Learning Some New Mom Stuff

"I'm going to handle a few things, and then are you ready to hold him?"

My eyes widened. I didn't think I'd be able to hold him today. His nurse was looking at me with her own wide, caring eyes.

I told her that yes, I would LOVE to hold him. I would hold him all day if I could. I'm still trying to figure out the delicate balance with all of this. Everything is a balance.

10 minutes later, there he was, nestled safely on my chest, and I settled in for what would be another eventful session of kangaroo care.

His first 15 minutes or so were blissful. He was comfy, breathing great, and warm. And then it happened - a brady desat. 

"Rub his back, mom!" said the nurse at the bed next to us, as she headed over. I began to gently stroke his back. When the nurse came over, she rubbed more vigorously, giving him more breaths on his respirator, and he came back up. Crisis averted.

.....or not really. 10 minutes later, it happened again. This time, I began rubbing his back as soon as I saw his heart rate drop. He started to climb, and by the time the nurse came over she didn't have to intervene as much as before. "You did exactly what you were supposed to do," she told me. 

Our nurse came over and I asked her if I had to put him back. She concluded that he was otherwise comfortable - in fact, maybe TOO comfortable - and that I could continue to hold him. He wasn't showing any other signs of distress, and from what I could see he was falling asleep. So we resumed our quiet time. 

I took a more proactive approach for the final part of our session, gently tapping his feet or drumming my fingers on his back if I saw his heart rate or respiratory rate start to drop. He got a little angry at me for preventing him from sleeping too deeply, but I had to make sure he was still breathing. The rest of our session was very nice and fairly quiet. He cried when they put him back in his incubator, but his stats stayed nice and high for the remainder of the time I was there. 

From what I know thus far, today has been an eventful day for him. He received a transfusion this morning, and the nurses are trying to reinsert his PICC line also. He is not feeding right now; the doctor saw something interesting happening in his bowels, and so they are also waiting for blood work and more x-rays to make sure there's no infection. For now he is not receiving any medications, and I hope he will be able to eat soon. He is gaining weight, though! And his settings are still low. 

I can't believe he is three days away from three weeks old. 

As Sam continues to fight, so shall I.